How Do You Ask For Consent (Without Breaking the Mood)?
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What does asking for consent look like during sexy times? How do you skillfully ask for consent without breaking the mood? Read more to find out!
What is consent?
Firstly, it's important to receive informed consent from anyone you're performing sexual acts on - and it is equally important for you to consent to any type of sex you are involved with.
Communication and patience are key during sex, and opens the door to enjoying sex to the fullest.
Checking in during sex doesn’t have to be "do you consent to this?" – it can be sexy. Asking someone to show you what they like, asking if they like something, and empowering them to be vocal about their enjoyment can be fun in its own right.
What are some ways I can ask for consent in bed?
- "I really want to kiss you"
- "I would love to touch you in XYZ place"
- "Is this okay?"
- "Do you like this?"
- "Do you like when I [insert action, ex. touch you here]?"
- "Do you want to take off my/your shirt/pants etc?"
- "Keep going?"
- "Do you want to [perform sexual act, ex. give me a blowjob]?"
- "Show me how you like XYZ"
Remember: Silence doesn't equal consent!
Consent is continuous and not a blanket statement. Even if someone consents earlier, it can be revoked at any time.
You can also look for signs that someone isn’t enthusiastically consenting to what’s happening, even if they’re not actively resisting. Freezing up, looking preoccupied or uncomfortable, and appearing unresponsive or disengaged are all cues for you to check in with someone and ask if they’re okay.
The importance of kindness and communication:
Whenever you’re not sure how someone feels, it’s best to be safe and ask them straight up – even if you’re in the middle of sex. Even if you feel weird about it, awkwardness is better than putting someone through something uncomfortable or (in the worst case) traumatic. The more practice you have asking, the less awkward it feels.
By showing kindness, patience, and practicing communication, you can create a safe environment for you and your sexual partners to explore and be open about sex.
Once good communication and consent becomes an integral part of your sex life, you’ll probably find you feel more comfortable asserting your own boundaries during sex. It benefits everyone in the end, and makes sex better!