How to Sexily Role-Play When You Can't Act For Sh*t, According to Experts

• Posted on 29 November 2023

If you've ever wondered how to make your sex life go from good to really, really good, let us suggest role-play. Though there are multiple ways to spice up your relationship, role-playing is a pretty accessible and low-stakes way to do it — especially since the fantasy can be as simple or intricate as you'd like.

For some people, they may prefer to keep it easy by role-playing as strangers at a bar. Other couples may choose to go all out in costumes and accents in order to fully commit to the role. Regardless of what you choose, the options are pretty much endless.

But convenience isn't the only reason we love role-playing. Searah Deysach, sex educator, tells us role-playing "may even allow you to tap into new types of sex that your 'real life' self wouldn't think out or feel comfortable asking for." (When I said this would take your sex life from good to really, really good, I meant it.)

So what exactly is role-playing? What are the best role-play ideas? And how do you actually start role-playing? Details on how to have a more fun and adventurous sex life right this way.

Think of role-playing as being similar to acting. "Role-playing is erotic play that allows couples to explore fantasies and add variety to their relationship with or without sex," certified sex therapist Shamyra Howard says.

The whole "adds variety to a relationship" is the key thing here. For many people, sex can become monotonous. By introducing role-playing into your sex life, you're bringing in a whole new element of excitement. After all, you're not just having sex with your partner — you're having sex with the super-hot police officer who pulled you over.

Different characters might surface different interests or a willingness to experiment. If your partner suggests a Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele from "Fifty Shades of Grey" role-play, for instance, that may open the door to a conversation you hadn't yet had about BDSM. Or it might simply give you an opportunity to switch up your normal intimate love-making routine for the night. (Remember the whole "I don't make love, I f*ck. Hard." scene? Yeah, me too.) When you're inhabiting a character, you'll feel emboldened to get out of your usual pattern — and that's a good thing.

But don't stress too much about the acting itself. Remember, even if you don't get a line or accent right, this is your romantic partner. While role-playing is all about setting the scene, it's OK to laugh and not take it too seriously.

When it comes to deciding what you want to be or how you want to role-play, you can use movies, TV shows, and books for inspiration. If that isn't quite working, you can also defer to some classic Halloween costumes and go from there. Here are some places to start, according to our experts:

If you're looking for some storylines to re-create instead of characters, you have options, too. You can act out the following scenarios:

The options are pretty much endless, though, so if you happen to find an old costume in your closet, feel free to improvise with whatever you're working with.

Note: Some of these scenarios play with power structures and taboos. That can be exciting but is another reason that, as with any type of sexual activity, consent and communication are essential when it comes to role-play.