How to Tell Someone You Only Wanna Hook Up
- Posted on
About "so what are we"...
Let’s avoid the confusion of “wondering what you guys are” to avoid later heartbreak. I’m going to be repeating this a lot, but you have to talk. You have to talk and communicate. And I am going to keep repeating this throughout.
Unless you explicitly state WHAT you’re thinking with words (that’s your mouth and vocal chords; or clear texts; or your hands if you communicate via sign language), you are not communicating your expectations. It’s important to know each others’ expectations. The only way to do that is to TALK.
A relationship is only good when everyone part of it wants to be part of it. If someone (could be you) is relucted to start a committed relationship, that someone should be clear they are not wanting to start one. Do not wait to tell them you are not looking for anything serious. It’ll be more awkward telling them 8 months of hooking up than after the first time.
Say what you’re interested in and what you’re not. If you aren’t interested in meeting and hanging out say so. Just say you are only interested in sex. And make this a two-way conversation, not a one way tunnel.
You aren’t doing anyone a favour by giving them a “heads up.” It is being a decent person. None of that “I just thought YOU should know” stuff. Speak for yourself. Be clear. “I am not looking to date right now” is a good baseline. Maybe soften it with how you do appreciate your time together. Do not use this as your catchall relationship escaping phrase. Again, ain’t about them. It’s you.
Asking what their looking for is good. Don’t play the “we’ll see where this goes” card when you already know you’re only in it for the sex.
So bring it up, for yourself. So that no one gets mad at you, sure, but also because it’s the right thing to do—because it makes the rest of dating someone or just sleeping with someone or seeing where this is going so much more enjoyable.