Your Guide to Having Phone Sex (Without Feeling Awkward)

What Is Phone Sex?

No, you're not living under a rock if you don't know what phone sex is. Remember: Everyone is on their own sexual journey, and if you're unfamiliar with the concept of phone sex, it's A-OK.

"Phone sex is when partners engage in mediated sexual encounters through the phone," Dr. Tara tells The Knot. "[This] can involve voice calls and video calls. It can include mutual masturbation, one-sided or at the same time."

Through mutual masturbation and verbal guidance, phone sex uses words to elicit arousal and guide someone toward orgasm by blending mental and physical stimulation.

It's important to note though that phone sex doesn't just look one way versus another. According to Wood, one's approach to having intimacy over the phone can vary widely. For example, some folks find comfort in articulating explicit sexual desires, while others favor the allure of sexual storytelling and others opt for more ambiguity.

It's all about what works and feels good for both you and your partner, and respecting what the other consents to.



Why Do People Have Phone Sex?

There are many different reasons one might engage in having phone sex. Both Wood and Dr. Tara agree that these are some of the motivators below:


It provides connection when you're physically distant

As Wood explains, "Engaging in phone sex is a great way to connect to your partner if you don't have the immediate opportunity to be physically close to each other."

How to Initiate Phone Sex with Your Partner

The idea of phone sex might be, well, sexy, to you. But it can sometimes be hard to know how to initiate phone sex, especially if it feels out of your realm. But with a few simple tips, you'll be sexting in no time.

Remember that consent is key

It's always crucial to make sure that no one is doing anything they don't enjoy

or feels comfortable with. That's why you should always approach your partner about it first and establish consent, instead of diving in head-first on your next phone call.

Start with suggestive texts

Before jumping into sending a naughty photo, it can be very helpful to gauge interest with a few flirty or suggestive messages. If the response is positive, you can gradually heat things up.

Schedule time

If your partner is interested, it can be helpful (and just as sexy) to schedule a time that's good for both of you to have phone sex. "A good amount of time that I recommend is 15-30 minutes," Dr. Tara says. "If the length is too short, it might not be enough to build up the mood; while if it is too long it will feel too drawn out."

"Never try unsolicited non-consensual phone sex," Dr. Tara reminds.

Communicate intentions

"Outline your expectations," recommends Wood. "Do you want to share new fantasies with your partner? Do you want to guide them through self-pleasure? Do you want to hear them moaning over the phone?"

"When introducing new things to your sexual arena, it can be a good idea to be clear and provide some examples so your partner knows what exactly you're suggesting," Wood adds.

How to Have Phone Sex Without Feeling Awkward

If you go into phone sex thinking it's going to feel awkward, chances are, it will be. But with these simple, sex-positive tips from Dr. Tara and Wood, you can go from awkward to confident in no time.

Set the stage for comfort

No one wants to be interrupted or overheard while they're having phone sex. If you're worried about that, you won't feel cool and confident.

"It's essential to create a comfortable environment for yourself. Find a private space where you won't be interrupted or overheard," Wood suggests. "This could be your bedroom or any place where you feel relaxed and secure. Dim the lights, maybe light a candle or two—anything that helps you feel at ease and in the mood."

Relax and be yourself

Remember that phone sex is a consensual and shared experience. Relax, be yourself and encourage your partner to do the same.

Start slow

Slow and steady wins the race. "Begin with gentle and teasing language," Wood says. "Gradually escalating the intensity as both partners become more comfortable."

Practice meditation beforehand

"Try sexual meditation prior to the phone sex session to regulate your nerves and feel more confident," Dr. Tara suggests.

Embrace imagination

Remember, phone sex (and all sex for that matter) can be made ever better when you use your imagination. "Start the conversation with something light and gradually steer it towards more sensual topics," explains Wood.

"Share what you're thinking, feeling and wishing you could do if you were together. Be descriptive—the more details, the better. Describe how you're touching yourself, how you imagine touching them and how you feel about it."

Read erotica for practice

"You can also practice reading erotica so you feel more confident in engaging in dirty talk," Dr. Tara says. "And remember to focus on your pleasure because when you are having a pleasurable time, your expression speaks for itself."

Listen

According to Wood, a significant part of phone sex is listening to your partner. "Pay attention to their breathing, their moans and the words they use," they say. "This will give you cues on what they enjoy and what they might want more of."

"Respond to their cues with your own sounds and words. This back-and-forth, this feedback loop, is a huge part of the intimate connection you're achieving together."

Remember that awkwardness is normal

When it comes to phone sex, it's only natural to feel a bit awkward or self-conscious initially. If you stumble over your words or find yourself at a loss, it's okay: It's a part of being a human in sexual situations.

As Wood recommends, "You can always say something like, 'I'm a bit new to this, but I'm really enjoying it.' Often, just acknowledging the awkwardness can help dissipate it."

"Remember, this is a shared experience and, chances are, your partner might be feeling the same way. Laughing together at any awkward moments can help ease the tension."

Originally posted here